Monday, May 16, 2016

[BL NOVEL] Kill the Lights (Chapter 11 Part 4)

Kill the Lights by Jangryang
Proofreader/Editor: Kaima, Hwarang


Noah climbed inside the car and braved a glance at Haley, who was still staring dumbly at him through the window.

“Phil, am I really crazy?”

‘No, I’m a bit crazy, I know….’ Noah muttered, smiling and then frowned as if he really didn’t get it.

Hearing Noah’s words, Phil gave him a strange look and said, “Mr. Raycarlton is a very rational person. At least, as far as I know.”

“Ha, ha, as far as you know?” Noah smiled a bit, quizzically.

“That’s right. I know I’m a bit psychotic with more than ten different diagnosis, but still, you know I thought that I’ve been a rational person in general?”

Noah tilted his head and stared at Haley, who had already grown small, through the window for a second and smiled, his eyes slightly bent.

“That's what I thought, but…” Noah mumbled vaguely.

Noah thought that he was a fairly rational person. Well, he did have a few mental health issues, but apart from that he didn’t really loose control of circumstantial judgment and reasoning. As the highest of the highest, he had received the right kind of education soon after he was born and, it even suited his aptitude, so he never had a hard time doing that kind of a thing. The kidnapping incident that happened when he was seven, left the deepest scar in Noah’s life, but still it hadn’t changed the course of his life. Whether that incident happened or not, Noah knew, he would still be wearing a smiley mask and continued working indifferently.

He never misjudged a circumstance. He was cold to others, but he was cold to himself too. Just like Phil said, generally he was a rational person. He most definitely was, but…

But why did he feel that the guy was like Mason?

Noah squinted, clearly having a sense of déjà vu. He knew this was a weird thought, but Noah continued to project Mason on Haley.

Two weeks ago, when Noah heard that Haley might retire from acting, he had given it some thought and then sent several scripts to Tony. He wasn’t sure what this feeling of déjà vu was, and so he didn’t want Haley to slip into a different world.

After sending those scripts, Noah kept thinking about Haley.

How had Haley flirted with him, honestly Noah didn’t remember much. Of course, he remembered what Haley said and what he did, but Noah didn’t remember his facial expressions or his tone, at length. It was because Noah never bothered to look at him properly. He wasn’t the type of guy that attracted Noah’s attention. Just like a rock that gets kicked around on the ground, the details of which no one cares to remember, Noah didn’t remember Haley at all.

But then, when he met him again on the set, Noah clearly remembered Haley. His expressions, that frown in the rain, and that look, and the tone of his voice in the restroom; strangely, Noah remembered everything well.

It happened again, when they met. Granted it had been a baffling moment, but even considering that, strangely everything was memorable. There were moments when he was panicking and having an attack, but still, everything that Haley said or did were distinctly memorable to Noah.

The eyes that were gazing at him– The gaze that sent a familiar thrill and even the sense of self that met that gaze; everything was vividly engraved in Noah’s brain.

It was a familiar feeling. Similar to all those times when Noah had met Mason. To that person, it might probably be a blurry and hazy incident that happened ten years ago, but to Noah, it was as clear as if it happened only a short while ago.

It was unusual, how Noah remembered everything about Haley, in the same way as how he remembered about Mason. Noah had dwelled on it for two weeks. During which, Haley occasionally kept overlapping with Mason. And not just the several intense moments, even the minor facial expressions, talking habits and their accents, kept overlapping.

Even as he thought that it was an insane illusion, the Haley that kept resurfacing in Noah visions, started to look like Mason. Even though they did not resemble each other, at all.

Noah wanted to explore his delusion. Maybe he’d gone crazy while getting tired of missing Mason, and had fallen into a despair at the news of his untimely death, and was still nervous at the thought of him being dead. Maybe his protective instincts were looking for a substitute that made him come up with this misconception. Mason and Haley? It definitely was a delusion. However, the creepy feeling he got every time he thought about Haley did not change.

Noah decided to verify his memories by meeting Haley again.

Noah heard about Haley‘s shooting today and so had made some time. He didn’t know what he was going to say when they met, but somehow he felt compelled to meet him.

“…..-Mr. Raycarlton? Are you okay?”

Because Noah was vague in his last sentence and seemed to be lost in thought, Phil carefully approached him. Noah smiled brightly and waved his hand.

“Did it go well? The thing you said you wanted to confirm.”

“Ahh.”

‘Definitely.’ –Noah answered while smiling brightly. He was able to confirm more precisely because of the unscheduled incident. Was Haley capable of threatening a person holding a gun? That was more like Mason, rather than Haley. He had looked exactly like him.

It was a very short time, but Noah had concluded that he was not deluding himself after all.

“…..But it was a stupid move.”

Noah closed his eyes and mumbled at his own actions, ‘I did something stupid today.’

Even if he had not been deluding himself, it was not as if Haley could become Mason. Indeed, what did he confirm? No matter how he looked or felt like Mason, Haley was not Mason. He wasn’t even thinking about finding a substitute for Mason, especially not someone like Haley.

Noah chastised himself for doing something useless and clicked his tongue.

He saw Haley’s image overlap Mason inside of his closed eyes, but Noah didn’t know what he must do about that.
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Continue to Chapter 12

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